In the caregiving world, caring can be many things, but we often assume it is “just” the task of daily care, grooming, medication control, nursing, and providing basic needs. The problem here is that these tasks are often cast aside as unimportant, or carers believe their role is, as my mom says, “just a caregiver”. Caregiving includes everything above as well as advocating for another, listening to them, helping them, loving them, and being with them. The role of a carer must be based on fulfilling human needs, including the emotional ones, because people who are weakened by illness or age need more.
My grandfather has Alzheimer’s, and he is tethered to reality by only a few things. My parents spend their lives making sure he is loved and cared for, and this included the emotional support. He lost his wife a year ago, and she was one person who grounded him to reality. It was difficult because he would ask for her each day, and my parents had to relive her death along with him. This is where caregiving becomes more about the actual caring. They have remained patient and loving. He has since improved slightly and is grounded by my parents and his dog, Honey. While he may forget a great deal, he notices his surroundings, my parents, and his little terrier.
His world was turned upside down again as his dog, Honey, died this morning. This is when I saw how difficult caring could be because while my mom was upset by the loss of Honey, she was absolutely torn knowing she would have to tell her father about his little dog. They placed her on her cushioned bed, and put her on his lap so he could mourn her while actually seeing her. He needed to make this connection, and perhaps it will keep him from asking about her each day in the coming weeks. My mom cried, and told me she is surrounded by death, and she knows there is more to come with her father so frail, and the fact that she also cares for my aunt who is dying of a rare cancer.
This leads me to the need for us to transform caring. We have caregivers for the sick and elderly, but who is caring for the caretakers. They are shrouded by death, loss, fear, illness, pain, and so much more each day. They struggle to cope and carry on with their lives. They face job and financial struggles, a massive loss of privacy, stress, and exhaustion. There are not enough resources, and in many families, support is limited. Caring needs to be transformed into a more comprehensive understanding on a societal level. These issues need to be brought front and center at this time when baby boomers are aging, and the demands for caregivers will rise. If not, we will see an increase in demand placed on family caregivers without the framework of support and this will lead to higher levels of stress related illnesses. We need to begin a dialog about the health care system and reliance on caregivers now. And, if you know a caregiver, support them if you can. Offer to help by giving them a break, making a meal, running an errand, or just listening to them. They need support too.
Leading and Inspiring 